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Hi!

Finally May is here and it’s almost time for summer! I have a lot wonderful things to look forward to and after a dip in energy this winter, I’m super happy that the light is finally here and that that flowers are in bloom 😊

I’ve been thinking a lot about what project for happiness to have for May and landed on joining: #themonthofbodylove , also expressed with the a bit more daring hashtag: #masturbationmonth

I see in social media that many get provoked and think this is something to keep strictly private. And Yes, it’s very private but it is a conversation we need to have! Our sexual relationship with ourselves influences the connection, intimacy and love we have with ourselves and in our relationships.

We need to, both for our own and our relationships sake, remove the shame and taboo on something so simple as exploring and enjoying our own bodies. Interestingly enough it’s even more shameful to satisfy oneself while in a committed relationship.

I’m reading an interesting book by Esther Perel right now called “Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intellegence“, a book that is controversial at times but that describe observations from couples that Esther has made during 10+ years with clients. 

She writes about how the comfort and safety in a relationship can become a threat to sexuality, how love seeks closeness but desire need distance, how equality and sexuality don’t always go together and of the troubles that can come with becoming parents. She twist and turns a lot of the structures, rules and preconceived notions that we have on relationships here in the west. Challenges our way of looking at things and that, – regardless if you agree in all or not, is of huge importance.

It’s important to look at why we feel the way we do and look at what other ways there are of looking at the same situation and see if our opinion changes or strengthens as a result. We have countless of preprogrammed opinions and views with us, shaped by the society and family we grew up in. Wheel tracks that we blindly follow without questioning whether it’s true for ourselves or not.

If you want to know more about Esther there’s a highly appreciated TED-talk with her here: Rethinking infidelity … a talk for anyone who has ever loved.

From my experience there a few that don’t feel that their sex life is important to the relationship they are in. Even the ones who live in more friend-like relationships that don’t include sex have deals on how they should handle sex with others to keep aligned within their partnership. It’s a complex questions in all of the relationships I’ve had the honor of talking about- no matter the set up.

Common crises are that the once fiery desires have cooled down, that the pressures of life itself removes both lust and time, or that one of the partners has a higher libido than the other. In single households, whether they are having an active sex life or not, is no walk in the park either. Like for women, who often are so filled of body shame, that they are afraid both of having to many sexual encounters and of satisfying ourselves (statistic show that most women don’t even know how).

We live in exciting times now where both women and men ask them self and life: “what makes ME happy” and many dare to express their individuality and help themselves to more out of life. A positive consequence of this is that they also accept others and their choices more, even once that are far from their own. I especially want to express my joy and exitement of how women finally are getting the courage to and possibility to take the place in this world they both ant and deserve.

But, when it comes to our sexual relationship with ourselves and the acceptance to see, know, love and enjoy our own body is not quite here yet. For men or women. Especially within relationships where we often create false ownership of each other.

I want us to celebrate ourselves – everyday – but let’s look more closely at it this month. Take time with yourself, if not sexually so sensually. Dare to look at your body, love your body, feel your body. Maybe you give yourself a head massage when your in the shower or a foot massage while you watch TV on the couch tonight.

Give love to your body in a way that feel OK to you this month, something small everyday. Maybe look into your eyes in the morning and express love and gratitude towards yourself and your body and all it has done for you so far – or maybe for how well it’s fighting for you today.

I’m ending this post with a link to an article from The Oprah Magazine that got a a lot of hatred when shared on Facebook. I’m sharing it because I think it’s pretty outrageous that something so human an natural makes people furious: Why I Made Masturbation Part of My Self-Care Routine

For more inspiration on body positivity and sexual health I recommend these Instagram accounts:

@wildflowersex

@talk.tabu

@cyclesandsex

@futureofsex

 

Happy Friday! 😊

More about Happiness project 2019 and the months prior; January here, February here , March here, April here,

Posted by:carinlagergren

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